Thursday, July 30, 2015

Wandering Heart

The time when I became fully intimate with God was the time it dawned on me that unless we are very actively at work for something in our world- and I don't mean something 'big,' I mean something small, whatever is nearest us: our spouse, our marriage; our friends if we have them; our mother, our father; ourselves, our own dreams and purpose if that's what we have- unless we are working so hard and fast for those things- not our lofty spiritual ideas of mere concepts, but the personal hand which we have been dealt (and which most of us just resent)- we do have no purpose here.
Without a sense of what we were made for- and therefore, by Whom- we don't get close to our truest nature. It is as C.S Lewis said: 'God finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are as children who want to go on making mudpies in a slum because we can't imagine what is meant by a holiday at sea.' 

We believe the Godless realm in which we are living is as whole as it gets, as we have created it to be, because we can use our own understanding to self-justify what does and does not happen to us, and for us- and therefore we believe we are free of God's 'rules,' however we understand them, and are comfortably situated in a contentment of our own- like stubborn children who believe the wisest action is to covet what we have and what we- or maybe our wisest human teachers- can come up with. 
Our youth on the eternal scale and our inability to see ahead of ourselves as God does- outside of all space and time- what is to come is our own undoing, the cause of our circular search for happiness outside of a God who gives it freely. We are the landlocked man who has never seen the ocean, defying the One who made it Himself, saying, 'no, it can't be,' when the deepest peace in the universe is to realize that it is.

As believers we are encouraged to constantly test this thing, this God, the Son he gave us: and if the wisdom we get from receiving the wisdom of the Word seems to work, we are called to self-lessly and without ego follow. And if it does not, we are not called- by anything other than pride- to turn away and dis-believe, but to dive deeper into Scripture, to trust- to understand that no man is free who is not also deeply committed (which is the opposite of the world's wisdom)- to wait and see the plan unfold and accept and contribute to our coursing with it. 
This is a more ultimate wisdom that the repetition of what teachers have told us- many people accept the authority of those they call wise masters without seeing how they might formulate their own words, thoughts, and observations in the present moment in which they live, among the things closest to them- their friends, their spouse, themselves- and this is the opposite of wisdom: foolishness, believing that right knowledge automatically leads to right conduct; that living unable to engage peaceably with what is closest to us (starting with ourselves) is a problem best solved by seeking some haughty spiritual concepts which are even further out. 

It is only your life to which you apply wisdom, nothing else.
To the person who has wisdom, silence is the best response, followed by the continuation of the life he has chosen regardless of praise or vindictiveness from the outside for that choosing. When a person is wise, they are wise; they do not say they are wise. You look at the way our God took flesh and did this beyond the example of any other man, and you begin to align with the reality that unless you bind yourself to that covenant, you are a paradox of beliefs, a contradiction; the 'best you can make yourself out to be,' moving in a circular motion through the world- from one thing to the next- but never up, never any higher.
Never overcoming; not spirit, but flesh, a man with the mind of a child making mud pies in a slum when he is offered a divine and eternal inheritance, choosing to bind his wandering heart (even with the Lord, its nature is to wander, to get lost) to anything but that which promises him the very protection, love, purpose, and peace he goes to his grave still looking for. The wise put their wholehearted dependence in His promise so as never to lose themselves in an empty world that can promise nothing at all.

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