Sunday, July 18, 2010

blueprints.

lately, life has been very crazy. this is a strange time. the past few nights i have been jumping around like a hobo, sleeping at the houses of family members and friends and some other people, my clothes in a bag, scrambling for cars to use to get me from here to there. it's weird. i feel a bit like edie sedgwick in factory girl, but thankfully not as self-tragic and woefully not as rich or gravitationally charming.

tonight is the first in a few that i've slept in my own bed (which i love), as i try to fix some things with my parents (and myself). we've been through more than a little (my parents and myself, that is). it is also the first time in a while that i've just hung out with my paints and painted. i'm making the album art for a band i know in bloomington, who are great. it's quite a process, but very engaging and creative. i'm happy that i've been selling a lot of work- etsy sales have been wonderful, actually, as of late, and my financial life is going well right now, which i'm not really used to. some things get better, and some stay sad. i like that i make money at my jobs but i'm starting to resent the discrepancy between what i'm paid to do (look nice and be super bubbly to people coming and going) and what i'm actually feeling (not as smiley as i have to act). or maybe i'm resenting that ordinarily i don't recognize the discrepancy at all, which means that smiling is not usually a problem, but now that sometimes i feel like i don't even have the energy, it kind of is.

but c'est la vie. things will keep on going, i know. i'm looking for a lot, but really that's half the battle.

No comments: